Gubstragquart is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, all-powerful deer.

Gubstragquart created Mount Everest five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gubstragquart, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Gubstragquart, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Gubstragquart's most sacred site is Vinezac in France.

Gubstragquart's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Do not drink water in mauve rooms.

3. Never talk about spacetime near whales while wearing turquoise ear rings and balancing eight gold spheres on your legs.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.