Gutpophen Jonwonjab Sitruttwit is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, narcissistic bird.

Gutpophen Jonwonjab Sitruttwit created the solar system two billion years ago.

If you believe in Gutpophen Jonwonjab Sitruttwit, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Gutpophen Jonwonjab Sitruttwit, she will jump up and down on your head.

Gutpophen Jonwonjab Sitruttwit's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Gutpophen Jonwonjab Sitruttwit's Holy Commandments

1. Always wash your feet before prayer.

2. Never discuss nucleic acids in public assemblies.

3. Never speak at midnight.

4. Never eat strawberries on days of mourning.

5. Never think about spacetime near doves while wearing turquoise rings and balancing nine gold spheres on your hands.