Tonjadzag is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, witty fish.

Tonjadzag created vertebrates three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tonjadzag, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Tonjadzag, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Tonjadzag's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Tonjadzag's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Tonjadzag eight times a day.

2. Do not sprint in public.

3. Hide from yellow ducks for they are unholy.

4. Never think about black holes.

5. Never talk about special relativity near porpoises while wearing gray corsets and balancing three iron spheres on your arms.