Gessparkmil is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, unjust squirrel.

Gessparkmil created the cosmos eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gessparkmil, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Gessparkmil, she will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Gessparkmil's most sacred site is Cusihuiriachi in Mexico.

Gessparkmil's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Heed all visions.

3. Never remain prostrate at dusk.

4. Never paint your head black.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.