Ortjatfid is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, weak guinea pig.

Ortjatfid created an up quark eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ortjatfid, she will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Ortjatfid, she will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Ortjatfid's most sacred site is Camon in France.

Ortjatfid's Holy Commandments

1. Never record secrets.

2. Never think about quantum mechanics near pigs while wearing gray dresses and balancing eight zinc spheres on your legs.

3. Pray only in moonlight.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.