Quamfabjad is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, unsympathetic swallow.

Quamfabjad created the Sombrero Galaxy three billion years ago.

If you believe in Quamfabjad, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Quamfabjad, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Quamfabjad's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Quamfabjad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat cucumbers.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Never talk about dolphins.

4. Erect a giant gold sculpture of Quamfabjad in the centre of the settlement.

5. Never eat bark.