Wikstignarfen is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, caring turtle.

Wikstignarfen created oxygen seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Wikstignarfen, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Wikstignarfen, he will turn you into a mole.

Wikstignarfen's most sacred site is Aranganur in India.

Wikstignarfen's Holy Commandments

1. Never handle copper while unclean.

2. Always look after injured tapirs.

3. Never touch blood while blessed.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Always store coconuts above ground.