Quartfumnil Hadfottabhon is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, fussy ferret.

Quartfumnil Hadfottabhon created parasitic wasps seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quartfumnil Hadfottabhon, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Quartfumnil Hadfottabhon, he will destroy your home galaxy.

Quartfumnil Hadfottabhon's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Quartfumnil Hadfottabhon's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Quartfumnil Hadfottabhon.

2. Paint representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place in red.

3. Put Quartfumnil Hadfottabhon first in all things.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Run away if eight cats approach from the east.