Quatcussmob is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, annoying turtle.

Quatcussmob created carbon eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quatcussmob, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Quatcussmob, she will ignore you.

Quatcussmob's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Quatcussmob's Holy Commandments

1. Never cross rivers at midnight.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Never paint your neck indigo.

5. Never look at planets.