Jonratpin is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, unthoughtful goblin.

Jonratpin created humanity two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jonratpin, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Jonratpin, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Jonratpin's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Jonratpin's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate goats.

2. Jonratpin loves hamsters, so they must be honoured.

3. Do not prepare spinach while wearing skirts.

4. Never mark doors with black.

5. Put Jonratpin first in all things.