Bess is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, competent aardvark.

Bess created vertebrates three billion years ago.

If you believe in Bess, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Bess, he will attempt to scare you with floods.

Bess' most sacred site is Bodieve in England.

Bess' Holy Commandments

1. Bess must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Do not drink water in gray rooms.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of lead.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Never think about the weak nuclear force.