Omthimtom Kadbegcip is a god.

It takes the form of a five thousand metre long, able turtle.

Omthimtom Kadbegcip created matter three billion years ago.

If you believe in Omthimtom Kadbegcip, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Omthimtom Kadbegcip, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Omthimtom Kadbegcip's most sacred site is Vinezac in France.

Omthimtom Kadbegcip's Holy Commandments

1. Draw representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Never sit in the presence of great tits.

3. Never think about electromagnetism.

4. Never talk about the strong nuclear force near doves while wearing blue trousers.

5. Learn six new languages a year.