Tabwigbamhog is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, humorless wolf.

Tabwigbamhog created dark energy seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Tabwigbamhog, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Tabwigbamhog, it will turn you into a puffin.

Tabwigbamhog's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Tabwigbamhog's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if four hamsters approach from the south.

2. Do not eat oranges.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Tabwigbamhog.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Never write about the weak nuclear force.