Kemwonvog is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, flying hedgehog.

Kemwonvog created the Whirlpool Galaxy four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kemwonvog, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Kemwonvog, it will cry a lot.

Kemwonvog's most sacred site is Amrit in Egypt.

Kemwonvog's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Kemwonvog must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Erect a large iron sculpture of Kemwonvog on top of all buildings.

4. Never talk about optics near nematodes while wearing cyan shoes and balancing eight nickel spheres on your neck.

5. Pray towards the south.