Kartigart is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, kind hedgehog.

Kartigart created everything that exists eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kartigart, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Kartigart, he will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Kartigart's most sacred site is Úbeda in Spain.

Kartigart's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Put Kartigart first in all things.

3. Never talk about fluid mechanics near eagles while wearing purple shirts and balancing six zinc spheres on your legs.

4. Never write about ultrasonics.

5. Never pour water over plants.