Bifnatpon is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely thin, compassionate jaguar.

Bifnatpon created the Sun eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Bifnatpon, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Bifnatpon, it will turn you into a sheep.

Bifnatpon's most sacred site is Manamedu in India.

Bifnatpon's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if five gulls approach from the west.

2. Erect nine gold sculptures of Bifnatpon on top of important buildings.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.