Wikjonvonk is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, sage bear.

Wikjonvonk created a Higgs boson seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Wikjonvonk, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Wikjonvonk, he will throw large rocks at you.

Wikjonvonk's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Wikjonvonk's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate dogs.

2. Never feed cherries to mice while wearing trousers.

3. Cats are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Always help tortoises in need.