Begtonktun is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, weak grasshopper.

Begtonktun created viruses seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Begtonktun, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Begtonktun, it will laugh at you.

Begtonktun's most sacred site is Qantir in Egypt.

Begtonktun's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Do not count beyond five during ceremonies.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate porpoises.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Begtonktun loves rats, so they must be honoured.