Dapbastnart is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, self-confident chinchilla.

Dapbastnart created energy nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Dapbastnart, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Dapbastnart, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Dapbastnart's most sacred site is Cobbel in Germany.

Dapbastnart's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about dark energy near swans while wearing brown rings and balancing eight aluminium spheres on your back.

2. Erect a large silicon sculpture of Dapbastnart on top of all buildings.

3. Do not take Dapbastnart's name in vain.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Never write about moons.