Jopnigarf is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, prudent hamster.

Jopnigarf created the Small Magellanic Cloud three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jopnigarf, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Jopnigarf, it will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Jopnigarf's most sacred site is Hobeck in Germany.

Jopnigarf's Holy Commandments

1. Always help mites in need.

2. Never gather six hamsters near bridges.

3. Always make sure there are no doves in a room before entering it.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate otters.

5. Never adorn your arms with purple markings.