Jarnmapbif is a god.

It takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, passionate tapir.

Jarnmapbif created the Sun twelve years ago.

If you believe in Jarnmapbif, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Jarnmapbif, it will denounce you as a heretic.

Jarnmapbif's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Jarnmapbif's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never gather eight goats in one place.

3. Never pray while filled with anger.

4. Worship no other gods but Jarnmapbif.

5. Never mark doors with fawn.