Jinmilben is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, tiresome tortoise.

Jinmilben created carbon seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jinmilben, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Jinmilben, it will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Jinmilben's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Jinmilben's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Jinmilben.

2. Jinmilben must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Never feed beans to snails while wearing scarves.

4. Do not wear zinc on your body.

5. Remain bowed during prayer.