Banlarphig is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, calm bear.

Banlarphig created a down quark eight million years ago.

If you believe in Banlarphig, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Banlarphig, it will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Banlarphig's most sacred site is Shengyou in China.

Banlarphig's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from brown ants, for they are unholy.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Banlarphig loves snails, so they must be honoured.

5. Do not wear turquoise clothing.