Cidlargbep is a god.

She takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, proud weasel.

Cidlargbep created life eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cidlargbep, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Cidlargbep, she will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Cidlargbep's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Cidlargbep's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Erect a giant orange sculpture of Cidlargbep in the centre of the settlement.

5. Never think about the weak nuclear force near tapirs while wearing turquoise hats and balancing nine tin spheres on your back.