Vedgarcad is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, unthinking monkey.

Vedgarcad created the universe six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vedgarcad, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Vedgarcad, it will destroy your favourite planet.

Vedgarcad's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Vedgarcad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Always cleanse your hands after touching zinc.

5. Never think about fluid mechanics near great tits while wearing turquoise dresses and balancing eight tin spheres on your face.