Sad Vonkratwit is a god.

He takes the form of a six thousand metre long, uncaring slug.

Sad Vonkratwit created the Tadpole Galaxy nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Sad Vonkratwit, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Sad Vonkratwit, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Sad Vonkratwit's most sacred site is Gorbio in France.

Sad Vonkratwit's Holy Commandments

1. Learn four new languages a year.

2. Do not kill voles.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Always make sure there are no squirrels in a building before entering it.