Hitdadbag is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, unjust manatee.

Hitdadbag created a strange quark three million years ago.

If you believe in Hitdadbag, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Hitdadbag, she will destroy your home solar system.

Hitdadbag's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Hitdadbag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about limes.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Do not sprint in public.

4. Do not take Hitdadbag's name in vain.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate aardvarks.