Hapkipkan is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, pitiless raccoon.

Hapkipkan created the planet Venus nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hapkipkan, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Hapkipkan, he will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Hapkipkan's most sacred site is Faux Cap in Madagascar.

Hapkipkan's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate shrews.

3. Paint representations of nebulae on the walls of your dwelling place in violet.

4. Do not fashion tools from gold.

5. Never run near badgers.