Ladpinlam is a god.

It takes the form of a small, fussy gerbil.

Ladpinlam created Africa seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ladpinlam, it will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Ladpinlam, it will turn you into a mole.

Ladpinlam's most sacred site is Hobeck in Germany.

Ladpinlam's Holy Commandments

1. Ladpinlam loves tortoises, so they must be honoured.

2. Never write about comets.

3. Never handle silicon while unclean.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate squirrels.

5. Always count to eight before sleeping.