Fumfempogflat Sawfasflatsab is a god.

It takes the form of a very small, unsympathetic clam.

Fumfempogflat Sawfasflatsab created carbon eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Fumfempogflat Sawfasflatsab, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Fumfempogflat Sawfasflatsab, it will jump up and down on your head.

Fumfempogflat Sawfasflatsab's most sacred site is Embalam in India.

Fumfempogflat Sawfasflatsab's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no moths in a building before entering it.

2. Never think about quantum gravity near seals while wearing red shirts and balancing six lead spheres on your head.

3. Never talk about dark energy near manatees while wearing gray boots and balancing eight zinc spheres on your arms.

4. Never talk about gravity near porpoises while wearing orange kilts.

5. Do not cook food in pots.