Koplamkem is a god.

She takes the form of a small, astonishing centipede.

Koplamkem created vertebrates two million years ago.

If you believe in Koplamkem, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Koplamkem, she will turn you into a slug.

Koplamkem's most sacred site is Manja in Madagascar.

Koplamkem's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about horizontal gene transfer.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Do not wear titanium on your body.

4. Koplamkem loves shrews, so they must be honoured.

5. Never think about planets.