Veenhaplag is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely thin, dishonourable slug.

Veenhaplag created snails three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Veenhaplag, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Veenhaplag, it will turn you into a goat.

Veenhaplag's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Veenhaplag's Holy Commandments

1. Never run in the presence of mites.

2. Do not dye your hair white.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Horses are not to be trusted.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.