Bidtarmeg is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, humorless gerbil.

Bidtarmeg created parasitic wasps four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bidtarmeg, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Bidtarmeg, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Bidtarmeg's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Bidtarmeg's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Do not keep six swans in a large pit.

3. Do not trade with those who eat parsnips.

4. Voles are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Retreat if nine rats approach from the east.