Ontgovbif is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, blissful beaver.

Ontgovbif created a top quark seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ontgovbif, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Ontgovbif, she will have a very low opinion of you.

Ontgovbif's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Ontgovbif's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about electromagnetism near whales while wearing orange stockings and balancing four gold spheres on your feet.

2. Always remove dresses before entering holy places.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Do not dye your hair yellow.

5. Do not commit murder.