Ladcunzod Nardagsom is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, clever goat.

Ladcunzod Nardagsom created the universe three billion years ago.

If you believe in Ladcunzod Nardagsom, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Ladcunzod Nardagsom, she will turn you into a small brown duck.

Ladcunzod Nardagsom's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Ladcunzod Nardagsom's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Hide if four snakes approach from the west.

3. Do not speak about apples.

4. Never eat gooseberries.

5. Do not cook food in pots.