Tiplabbid Haploopont is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, pitiless gnu.

Tiplabbid Haploopont created everything that exists eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Tiplabbid Haploopont, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Tiplabbid Haploopont, he will turn you into a sparrow.

Tiplabbid Haploopont's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Tiplabbid Haploopont's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Never think about amino acids.

3. Never paint your arms pink.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Feed all hungry whales.