Gem is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, happy mink.

Gem created carbon eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gem, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Gem, it will throw large rocks at you.

Gem's most sacred site is Pisterzo in Italy.

Gem's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Gem.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of platinum.

3. Always remove tights before touching lead.

4. Do not wear orange clothing.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Gem.