Tenyimbencun Sogkapkem is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, astonishing penguin.

Tenyimbencun Sogkapkem created the planet Saturn three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tenyimbencun Sogkapkem, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Tenyimbencun Sogkapkem, she will ignore you.

Tenyimbencun Sogkapkem's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Tenyimbencun Sogkapkem's Holy Commandments

1. Tenyimbencun Sogkapkem loves sheep, so they must be honoured.

2. You must never eat pineapples.

3. Never think about nebulae.

4. Run away from turquoise nematodes, for they are unholy.

5. Always treat whales with great respect.