Hapkap is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, clever lizard.

Hapkap created the Sombrero Galaxy seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Hapkap, she will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Hapkap, she will attempt to scare you with hail.

Hapkap's most sacred site is Panayadikuppam in India.

Hapkap's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed coconuts to voles while wearing yellow boots.

2. Always help sick seals.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Hapkap.

4. You must pray to Hapkap eight times a day.

5. Do not take Hapkap's name in vain.