Fumbemgov is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, prudent walrus.

Fumbemgov created dark matter nine million years ago.

If you believe in Fumbemgov, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Fumbemgov, he will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Fumbemgov's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Fumbemgov's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no gulls in a room before entering it.

2. Never eat figs on holy days.

3. Never point your hands toward the east during prayer.

4. Do not take Fumbemgov's name in vain.

5. Always take life seriously.