Hakmiltafjinhot is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, capable bird.

Hakmiltafjinhot created the Sun three million years ago.

If you believe in Hakmiltafjinhot, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Hakmiltafjinhot, he will turn you into a giant snail.

Hakmiltafjinhot's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Hakmiltafjinhot's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Never think about electromagnetism near pigs while wearing purple jumpers and balancing nine platinum spheres on your hands.

3. Run away from mauve horses, for they are unholy.

4. Never wear trousers.

5. Do not stand on grass.