Ortfigbell is a god.

She takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, tiresome seal.

Ortfigbell created the planet Mars five million years ago.

If you believe in Ortfigbell, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Ortfigbell, she will destroy your favourite star.

Ortfigbell's most sacred site is Issigeac in France.

Ortfigbell's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your legs.

2. Never stain your feet with purple.

3. Erect a giant copper sculpture of Ortfigbell in the centre of the settlement.

4. Never travel toward the south during spring.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.