Yartcussdadzag is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, conceited otter.

Yartcussdadzag created viruses two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Yartcussdadzag, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Yartcussdadzag, she will attempt to scare you with hail.

Yartcussdadzag's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Yartcussdadzag's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate gulls.

2. Hide if six dolphins approach from the south.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Yartcussdadzag.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Never talk about cell theory.