Mettargkan is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, bad-tempered elephant.

Mettargkan created a quark three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Mettargkan, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Mettargkan, he will destroy your home planet.

Mettargkan's most sacred site is Dornbock in Germany.

Mettargkan's Holy Commandments

1. Never discuss nucleic acids in public assemblies.

2. Never speak the names of asteroids aloud.

3. Do not wear tights marked with orange.

4. Do not dye your hair indigo.

5. Always count to six before sleeping.