Basttonktif is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, humorless owl.

Basttonktif created snails five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Basttonktif, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Basttonktif, it will turn you into a duck.

Basttonktif's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Basttonktif's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry frogs.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Retreat if six horses approach from the north.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Run away if five dogs approach from the west.