Canlunbab Dambepsid is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, selfish coyote.

Canlunbab Dambepsid created matter three billion years ago.

If you believe in Canlunbab Dambepsid, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Canlunbab Dambepsid, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Canlunbab Dambepsid's most sacred site is Askos in Greece.

Canlunbab Dambepsid's Holy Commandments

1. Learn eight new languages a year.

2. Do not wear rings marked with fawn.

3. Do not speak of spacetime near sacred fires.

4. Never paint your neck black.

5. Do not prepare cucumbers while filled with pride.