Dumlabvin is a god.

She takes the form of a six hundred metre long, almighty squid.

Dumlabvin created viruses six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dumlabvin, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Dumlabvin, she will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Dumlabvin's most sacred site is Úbeda in Spain.

Dumlabvin's Holy Commandments

1. Always help bats.

2. Never gather nine snails in one place.

3. Always face the west before speaking sacred words.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Learn four new languages a year.