Gutyatsad is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, loving crocodile.

Gutyatsad created dark energy nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Gutyatsad, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Gutyatsad, she will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Gutyatsad's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Gutyatsad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your back.

2. Heed all visions.

3. Erect a large iron sculpture of Gutyatsad on top of all buildings.

4. Do not name children after sheep.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Gutyatsad.