Bastappten is a god.

He takes the form of a large, resourceful wyrm.

Bastappten created Africa two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bastappten, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Bastappten, he will send minions to preach to you.

Bastappten's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Bastappten's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Always make sure there are no tapirs in a room before entering it.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Never feed oranges to voles while wearing shoes.