Futgabtarp is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, capable armadillo.

Futgabtarp created dark matter nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Futgabtarp, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Futgabtarp, it will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Futgabtarp's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Futgabtarp's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Futgabtarp.

2. Always treat sharks with great respect.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Always help nematodes.