Jabpakpit is a god.

It takes the form of a large, irritating beaver.

Jabpakpit created the Sun four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jabpakpit, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Jabpakpit, it will turn you into a rock.

Jabpakpit's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Jabpakpit's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Jabpakpit's name in vain.

2. Never paint your feet pink.

3. Hide from turquoise whales for they are unholy.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Worship no other gods but Jabpakpit.